6/2/13

Some told me yesterday…that they would like to see me move on with my life.

Well, just last Tuesday…my therapist and I discussed how I would have to attend therapy EVERYDAY…if I wasn’t writing, at least….and, this morning…as I was thinking of how wonderful it would be to sleep in…while I rolled around, for hours, thinking of this crap!

There are thoughts…and even dreams…of what my life could be like…one day…then, I have to wake everyone else up from their dreams…and remind them…This is 24/7…

I cannot cry in front of others, any longer… Several months ago, I was still crying everyday….Shortly before that, I was still crying so hard that I nearly vomited…shortly before that, I was crying…throughout the day, sometimes…it seemed like ALL DAY!

Now, I cry in silence…I look sick…when I look at my face in the mirror…I look like I have an illness…Recently, I went down to 118lbs, from 121lbs…a week or so later., I was down to 119lbs,…I weighed 120lbs when I went to the Dr. for crippling back pain…..my weight went up to 125-126lbs, for a good while….I’m supposed to weigh 135lbs…it’s a sad day….when a person who had Anorexia and Bulimia for 17 years…is quibbling over the loss of 2-3lbs…

Progress exists, so it seems….digression is taking over, internally…where no one can feel it but, me…then, everyone can see it…eventually, of course…because, I am starting to look like I’m already dead!

So, thank you Manfred Kammerer, for a wonderful Sunday morning!

http://192.211.16.13/curricular/hhd2006/news/wounds.pdf

Dreeam about Jimmys ex, sherry